Can't Fight This Feeling
by Elly3981
Summary: On the day of his wedding, Satoshi reflects on his feelings for Risa as he prepares to pledge his undying love for her forever. Sister fic to 'Falling Into You'.


**Disclaimer: I do not own DN Angel and the song 'Can't Fight This Feeling' is by REO Speedwagon. I write this fic for my amusement only and yours too. This is somewhat of a sister story to my other fic 'Falling Into You' and is from Satoshi's POV. I hope you like it; enjoy and please review! Oh, and the lovely cover art is by the talented ****BiKuKi-ElDaRiOn of DeviantArt so please check out his works and leave him a comment!**

**Can't** **Fight** **This** **Feeling**

When did I fall in love with you? It had happened fast, so fast, or perhaps it had happened slowly, so slowly that I didn't even see it coming until it was too late. When I first met you, I had thought of you only as bait to draw out the legendary Phantom thief, Dark, whom I was bent on capturing. That, and an annoying and immature classmate, one of the many crazy fan girls who idolized and swooned over that idiot womanizing thief.

At least that was how it started out. After the final battle between Dark and Krad, Daisuke brought me back to the world of the living, half-dead and barely able to stand on my own two feet. I had always thought of the red-headed Niwa boy as a meddlesome and annoying little brother but had never been more grateful for his intervention as I was then; he had stopped me from sacrificing myself to destroy Krad. Had he not been there then, I would never have known the life I now know with you.

_I can't fight this feeling any longer_

_And yet I'm still afraid to let it flow_

_What started out as friendship has grown stronger_

_I only wish I had the strength to let it show_

The day you first looked at me with interest was the day my life was forever changed. Of course, I didn't know it right away and I'm sure you didn't either. Like with Dark, you became fascinated with me when you found out what secrets I've been hiding. After all, I had unwillingly revealed them to you when you saw me transform into Krad before your very eyes. That was when your distrust and suspicion of me became sympathy and compassion for my suffering. Just as Riku tended to Daisuke, you tenderly and patiently cared for me day after day, helping me recover from the injuries that Krad had inflicted on my body.

Even so, it was not easy for me to express my gratitude at first. Not because I didn't want to; all my life I had been forced to suppress my emotions to keep that bastard parasite of an angel from taking control of my body and hurting people around me, so much that it became an unconscious habit that was difficult to break. Krad had been a part of me since birth, just as much as Dark had been a part of Daisuke. You understood this which was why you didn't give up on me no matter how difficult I was in the beginning. I was so used to pushing people away from me to keep them safe that I tried to push you away as well, even though there was no need to now that Krad was gone. Still, you smiled and insisted on being my friend and knowing how stubborn you can be when your mind was set, I gave in.

"_Does it hurt when you transform?"_

I was silent at first when you asked this as I watched you bandage my forearm, treating a deep red gash in my skin caused by the ritual I started when I planned to destroy my body. Though I'd rather not say, I feel I that the least I can do is answer you since you've been so good to me.

"_Yes…every time. So much that I often lose consciousness." _I look up and gaze into your eyes as I say this. I wasn't sure if I imagined it but I thought I saw tears begin to form in your lovely honey-colored eyes and before I can ask, you quickly move behind me to examine the cuts on my back and shoulders left by Krad's wings. I couldn't help but feel a tingle of pleasure at your gentle touch that left me wanting more.

"_Your other wounds are healing nicely but these are especially deep. They'll heal eventually but I'm afraid there will be some scarring. I'm sorry."_

I couldn't help but smile as I reached behind and gently took your hand in my own. _"It's ok, don't worry about them; they're nothing I can't live with. Thank you for your concern."_

I never told you how your compassion has touched me. I knew I wasn't wrong when I thought I saw you shed tears, not for yourself, but for me. I had always thought that no one could understand me like Daisuke as we were both bound to angelic entities but I was wrong. You seem to feel my pain as though it was your very own, never leaving my side as I recovered even though caring for me eventually took a toll on your own body as well. That was when I had unknowingly begun to love you…

_I tell myself that I can't hold out forever_

_I said there is no reason for my fear_

_Cause I feel so secure when we're together_

_You give my life direction_

_You make everything so clear_

Still, I had difficulty acknowledging my feelings, let alone showing them. Now that Krad was banished from my life for good, I was finally free to laugh, cry, smile, or get angry if I wished. And I tried, I really did. But I knew that I couldn't undo years of suppressing my emotions in just a few short weeks; it was something that would no doubt take time but I have faith that it will happen and you did too. Fortunately, you were able to realize your feelings first and when you finally revealed them to me, I must admit that I was frightened and didn't know how to take it.

"_Satoshi?"_

I looked up at you from where I was lying in bed. You've been staying with me at my apartment for two weeks now and thanks to your care, I am well on my way to complete recovery. It won't be long before I can finally go outside and start living again. I smile at you as I say:

_"Yes, Risa?"_

"_I do believe I love you…" _As you say this, your cheeks turn red from embarrassment. If I were anyone else, I would have been delighted to hear that but instead found myself quickly turning pale with fear and worry as my smile vanished, replaced with a frown.

"_Satoshi? What's wrong?"_

"_You should not."_

"_What do you mean? I don't understand."_

"_Just what I said: you should not. I am not a guy that any girl with sense should love."_

_"And why is that?"_

"_Because of who I am, what I am. I'm a Hikari. Even though Krad is no longer a part of me, the blood that flows in my veins is still cursed. It would be best for this world if I were to disappear forever."_

I'll never forget the look you gave me when those words left my mouth. It was rare to see someone as bright and cheery as you get angry but when you did, it was frightening enough to shake even my nerves. I almost jumped when you grabbed hold of my face and forced me to look into your eyes.

"_Are you still thinking like that? Daisuke would kill you if heard you! Didn't he tell you that as long as you're alive, there's still hope? Don't you realize that you have friends who care for you and are glad you're alive? If we mean anything to you, you will never utter such nonsense again!"_

I must admit I was shocked at your forcefulness, something I didn't quite think you capable of being; you were just full of surprises. That as well as your compassion and fiery determination were one of the things that made me fall in love with you and in time, I had begun to accept the feelings you had for me as well.

_And even as I wander, I'm keeping you in sight_

_You're a candle in the window on a cold, dark winter's night_

_And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I'd might_

Before I was free of Krad, I believed the only reason for my existence was to capture Dark and protect the artwork of my family. I had been so obsessed with my duties and obligations that I never once thought of my own happiness. Only recently did I realized that hunting Dark was never what I really wanted to do. It was ironic that Daisuke saved me and even more ironic still that Dark was the one who ended up sacrificing himself in my place to destroy Krad, forever freeing me from his curse (and forever leaving me in his debt). That was one of the things I really wanted but when I finally had that freedom, I had no idea what to do with it until you came into the picture.

When I realized my feelings for you, I was frightened even though I knew there was no reason for me to be. Krad was gone and could never take over my body again so why was I still afraid to show my feelings? I think it was because I didn't know how to handle them. Love was not something I was used to giving and receiving. My real parents died when I was very young and I never meant anything to my foster father; he adopted me only because he saw me as a potential tool to achieve his ambitions. When he realized that I could not produce artwork on the same level as my ancestors, he scorned me as did our other classmates who believed me to be a cold pillar of ice. Daisuke was the first to realize the truth and because of that, he saved me and unknowingly brought me to you. And when you also discovered the truth about me, you persisted on getting close to me and I allowed it. Trust is another feeling that does not come easily to me but I soon found myself lowering my barriers to you little by little.

_And I can't fight this feeling anymore_

_I've forgotten what I started fighting for_

_It's time to bring this ship into the shore_

_And throw away the ores forever_

They say that the truth will set you free as I thankfully found to be true when I finally mustered up the courage to speak the words that my heart already knew for so long. It was one of the last nights of my long recovery when you came to my apartment to care for me once more. You also came bringing the news that my foster father, having no other living relatives, willed his entire estate including his mansion to me, and now that he was gone, the place was mine and I could move in anytime. I was happy to finally have a house of my own and was glad I finally had an excuse to get out of this tiny apartment and take you with me. So I asked you if you would join me in checking out my new mansion. I didn't want to move in just yet for I had no desire to live in such a vast place by myself so I decided to stay in my apartment for now, at least until I have someone to share it with.

I wanted the moment to be perfect so I took you to the balcony of the master bedroom, the room that would soon be mine. It was late evening and the heavens were dotted with glittering stars. The moon was full and beautiful and we could hear the sound of waves crashing upon the shore for the Hiwatari mansion was built on a cliff overlooking the sea. That was when I took your hands in mine and finally told you…

_Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore_

_I've forgotten what I started fighting for_

_And if I have to crawl upon the floor, come crashing through your door_

_Baby I can't fight this feeling anymore_

"_Risa… I want to thank you…for everything. For being there for me, for your patience, your kindness, and contribution to my recovery. For caring for me day after day even though I know it must be hard on your own body as well. I will always be grateful to you, for your love. I want you to know that I love you too, Risa, with all my heart and soul. So will you be mine? My Sacred Maiden?"_

My heard leapt with joy when I saw you smile and throw your arms around my neck, kissing me on my cheek and whispering a _"Yes!" _in my ear. I had done better then told you I loved you; I had asked you to be my Sacred Maiden. I envied the love between Daisuke and Riku and wanted such a love for myself. Never did I imagine that I would be lucky enough to find it so easily considering that some people take a lifetime to find true love. I only regret that it took me so long to realize that what I really wanted was right under my nose all along.

_My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you_

_I've been running around in circles in my mind_

_And it always seems that I'm following you, girl_

_Cause you take me to the places that alone I'd never find_

The day I asked you to be my Sacred Maiden was the day I became a new man. Daisuke and Riku were shocked at first as were everyone else who knew us but came to accept our new and blossoming relationship. They felt that someone as bright and full of life as yourself would be perfect for me; it was you who finally brought me out of my dark world and filled my life with love and light. I never found myself smiling and laughing as often as I do in your presence and for the first time in my life, I was truly happy. I had no idea that one person could make such a difference in my life, so much that I could no longer imagine going back to the bleak and dreary existence I once embraced because it was all I knew.

At first, people thought we were an odd couple but then came around when they realized that someone like you was just what I needed. It was you who taught me to let go of my inhibitions, to finally feel and enjoy life and the world around me. My change did not go unnoticed and I didn't realize it myself until one day, Daisuke approached me and told me that I've changed. He can see my emotions show whenever you're with me, no small change considering that I had once hidden my passionate nature behind a pair of thick-rimmed glasses and an icy façade. Daisuke said he was happy for me, for us. Even Riku, who had always been suspicious and untrusting of me before, gave her approval. Before, I felt undeserving of any kind of happiness because of my curse but you convinced me otherwise; you felt that there was no one more deserving of happiness then I and begged me to forget all that I had suffered for you will always be with me from now on.

_And even if I wander, I'm keeping you in sight_

_You're a candle in the window on a cold, dark winter's night_

_And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I'd might_

Time passed and my feelings for you grew stronger until I found that I wanted more from you then your companionship and kisses. Still, I didn't want to pressure you into anything that you might regret later so I waited. It was finally a painting, of all things, that brought our relationship to the next level. When you asked me to paint a picture of you, I discovered that the power of my Hikari ancestors was not lost to me as I had previously thought for my painting had the power to make people act on their hidden feelings and desires. Unknown to us, the power of my newest creation enticed you and you were no longer afraid. The timing was finally perfect and you gave yourself to me that snowy winter night in my apartment, on the very sofa you posed on with the flames from the fireplace lighting the room and adding to our own heat. I knew then that you were forever mine and that I would never let another have you.

Our newfound intimacy had formed a stronger bond between us though we kept it hidden. The last thing I wanted was more gossip from our classmates and townspeople for there were already enough about us since the day we became a couple. There were times I wonder if it would have been better if we waited a little longer but you insist that you regret nothing and if you didn't regret it, then why should I? By day, we would act as if nothing was out of the ordinary, going to school, studying, and participating in school and social events as we enjoyed the beauty of the world around us.

The days were peaceful and the nights were wonderful and exciting. You would often show up at my apartment in the evening after taking a cab across town to avoid waking your butler and drawing attention to yourself. You'd slip into my home and give yourself to me again and again, every time being just as pleasurable, if not more, than the first time we made love. After we exhausted ourselves, we would lie next to each other and talk about sweet nothings until we feel asleep in each others' arms. You always stayed with me until the morning came for you knew how much I loved waking with you next to me. You were as good as my wife now and it was not long before I wanted to make it official.

_And I can't fight this feeling anymore_

_I've forgotten what I started fighting for_

_It's time to bring this ship into the shore_

_And throw away the ores forever_

When Daisuke and Riku got married four years later, we attended their wedding as their best man and maid of honor. At their wedding banquet, which I hosted in my mansion as a gift to them, I thought what better time to ask you to be my wife then at that very moment? While our other guests were busy congratulating Daisuke and Riku, I pulled you aside and took you back to the balcony of the master bedroom where I had confessed my love to you four years earlier. Pulling the ring from my pocket, I took your left hand in my right as I fell upon one knee and asked the question I knew you had been longing to hear.

"_Risa, you've made me so happy. I know I never said it enough but I've always loved you; it was you who taught me what it means to live and feel. I need you for my happiness and I would be honored if you would become my wife. Will you marry me?"_

When I slipped my ring on your finger, you face became even brighter which I didn't even think was possible. And for the first time in years, you cried, not from sadness, but from joy as you threw your arms around my neck and said _"Yes!" _with all the enthusiasm you can muster.

And now that I have your answer, I knew that my decision to let you in my life was the right one. When we broke the news to everyone, Daisuke and Riku were overjoyed and insisted on helping us plan our wedding even though they had just celebrated their own. I laughed and told them there was no need to hurry for it takes at least a year to plan a wedding. However, Riku said it was never too soon for a year will pass by faster then I think and how right she was.

_Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore_

_I've forgotten what I started fighting for_

_And if I have to crawl upon the floor, come crashing through your door_

_Baby I can't fight this feeling anymore_

From the moment I asked you to marry me until the day we finally walked down the aisle passed by in the blink of an eye. I felt so nervous as I stand near the alter and watch you approach arm in arm with your father but Daisuke made me feel at ease when he gently squeezed my shoulder from behind, like a best man should. Riku, our maid of honor, also gave me an assuring smile which meant a lot coming from someone who once distrusted me. I was not having second thoughts; I knew that this was what I wanted, more then I have ever wanted anything in my life.

The moment we exchanged our vows, I felt like my life has taken on yet a new meaning and I look forward to beginning my new journey of life with you. There will always be times of difficulty and hardship as well as times of ease and plenty, bad times as well as good, but I am not afraid of any hurdles that life might throw my way, not as long as you're with me. Besides, with you by my side, I can do anything.

Yes Risa, I love you. You are the wind, the rain, the sunshine and everything in between. You saved me in every way a person can be saved and I will love you until my dying breath and beyond…

**Fin**

**A/N: So what do you think? Songs often inspire me to write fics and I got the idea for this story after hearing this old song by REO Speedwagon. I remember hearing this song as I was growing up and it's definitely one of my favorites. I feel that it suits Satoshi well as he is someone who is used to hiding his thoughts and feelings and I feel that someone as bright and lively as Risa could bring his emotions to the surface. I hoped you enjoyed reading this fic as much as I enjoyed writing it!**


End file.
